Beyond the Testing

I believe that transparency and sharing life experiences helps ease the journey, especially when the road we’re on is bumpy and painful.  In writing about my experiences, I am not trying to solicit sympathy or attention.  Rather, writing can be therapeutic, and as one journalist notes in his article on “Writing for therapy”

beasts … always seem tamer on paper than in the mind

However, I do always appreciate your comments and have no problem answering your questions.

With that said, I will now share with you an experience that Josh and I are encountering in our life journey.

In May, Josh and I will be married for 10 years.  For the majority of those years we have not taken preventative measures to having children…the children just never came along.  Each year my doctor kindly discussed fertility testing; and each year I kindly refused.  I was just not ready to be labeled the dreaded “I” word.  Not that I couldn’t handle the label, but more because I believe in a really big God who has the perfect timing for all things.   In having “Infertile” on my files, I felt it added a bit of distrust to the plans God has for me.  (I understand this is hard to comprehend; I’ve not done a good job of explaining.  Perhaps I’ll try to explain better in a different post later on).

Finally, last year, Josh and I came to the decision that it was time to do some testing.  I had finally come to peace with the label “Infertile”…because no matter what humanity labels me, my God is still Big & still has His perfect plan for me.   The testing began last January and it was just as the doctors expected.   INFERTILE.

If it was completely up to me, I would share with you every minute detail of our situation.  But, Josh is not yet so willing to just lay everything out at our doorstep for the world to read, so I am being sensitive to keep some details private.  Infertility is not just a man or woman thing, but an experience that both husband and wife go through together, and I have to keep Josh’s feelings in mind when I write about our experiences.

Tomorrow, we move beyond the testing and actually start infertility treatment.  (Again, no specific details of what we’re doing…that may come later).  But, it will be painful, exhausting, and full of hope.

God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear    ~Psalm 41:1-2a


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. slamdunk
    Jan 25, 2010 @ 05:18:14

    God Bless you and your husband in this situation. My wife and I struggled for several years in trying to grow our family–we were about to concede when she became pregnant with twins (three years ago).

    I am praying for you all.


  2. letlightshine
    Jan 25, 2010 @ 12:26:00

    Our God is a Big God and knows the plans He has for you, His dear child. The road may be tough, but know that we’re always here for you if you should need anything.


  3. Anna
    Jan 25, 2010 @ 18:56:07

    We love you both! We are trusting with you for a miracle from God. May you know His perfect peace right now.


  4. candace
    Jan 25, 2010 @ 19:12:49

    Linds I pray for you daily and I will continue to pray for you and Josh through this. I know you will be a glorious momma and so does our Lord!
    “For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever!”
    And through your and Josh’s trials He will be glorified… I love you girl!!!!


  5. wbmoore
    Jan 25, 2010 @ 23:44:51

    I thought I’d post the blog of a woman who has recently gone through this. Her husband is a seminary student. Maybe reading her story will help you.

    May God lead you and bless you in unexpected ways.


  6. Trackback: My Struggle with Infertility and Mother’s Day « Me on Mission
  7. Trackback: New Beginnings « Me on Mission

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