The dreaded question

Josh posted about something we are currently dealing with.  You can read it by clicking HERE.

When Josh and I first were married, we often heard the question, “when are you having children?” I usually responded with a smile, “oh, not for a while.”  As the years passed, my answer changed to, “whenever God sees best.”  Although that is still my same answer, not many people ask the question anymore.   Most of the time, when new friends or acquaintences ask the dreaded question and hear my response, they are polite and respectful of my answer and then move on to other subjects.  I’ve found that that phrase fits best and is the absolute truth; no one can question or debate it.

A little over a week ago I met a woman who responded as no one has ever responded before.  She brought up feelings that I’ve not experienced before and left me irritated for days, and even now I get a bit emotional over the whole thing.  Our conversation went something like this:

“How long have you been married?” she asked.

“8 years.”

“Do you have children?”

great.  she asked the dreaded question. “No, we don’t.”

“When do you think you’ll want to start?”

Stick with ole faithful. “When God sees best.”

“Oh, huh.  Well, so-and-so got married the same year you did and they waited a long time to have kids – about 6 years.”

She kept babbling on about different couples who had waited a “long” time to have children.  Long, to her, seemed to begin at about 4 years after marriage.  Most of what she said after that is now a blur because I was so frustrated.  She did not come straight out and blast me for not having kids, but her tone and her stories made me feel as if I was a failure because I didn’t have children yet.  Or that I was a bad woman because I was not yet a mother. All I could do was just sit there and pretend to be interested in her stories of women who waited, or didn’t wait but couldn’t get pregnant.

I know I shouldn’t let her get to me, but it infuriates me that she would sit there in judgement of me because I don’t have children.  She doesn’t know me.  She knows nothing of who I am or things I’ve gone through.  She didn’t know whether I’ve chosen to wait to have kids or if there is a medical issue. Either way it doesn’t matter…I just don’t get how someone can be so insensitive.  I’m sure she was just trying to make conversation and that conisted of hashing out stories of people she’s known.

The weirdest thing for me has been my emotional reaction to it.  I’m usually one who is not effected by inconsiderate remarks, especially if the speaker is not fully knowledgable.  I know my negative feelings toward this woman do nothing but make me more frustrated…she’s not affected in the least.

So, now that I’ve shared…I know what I have to do…forgive her and just move on.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. cm
    Sep 04, 2008 @ 04:47:53

    I posted a comment on Josh’s blog about the story if you want to check it out. There are many examples in the bible of such stories. Look at Sarah in Gen. 17:17, not until age ninety did she bear a son to Abraham with the Lord’s favor. I like to believe it all happens in His perfect timing. We must strive to always seek Him first in our lives, our thoughts, our actions, and our deeds and take heart for He knows all our wants and desires. May many blessings flow unto you and your family from our gracious Lord and Saviour!


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